The Writing of Crits
by quietladybirman, with apologies to T. S. Eliot.

The writing of crits is a hard art to master
It's only with practice you'll get it quite right.
This fangirl will tell you, if you only ask her,
That fictional crit comes in three distinct types.

First there's the review a friend might deliver
With smileys and shoutouts and pleas to write more!
It's nice to receive them, and nice of the giver,
But they seldom prove helpful and can be a bore.

For it's grand to be told that your writing is pleasing,
But it's hard to believe that sweet, well-meaning friend.
They may know no better, so may be misleading,
Or maybe they're frightened the truth will offend.

You can't leave such crit for a fic that is stinking
With its terrible prose and its character rape,
And an arrogant Sue - what was that fangirl thinking?
Bad porn and ukes and plotlines that grate.

So to angrier crits (though they often lack value),
To form mail and cursing and personal slights:
Your fic sucks and you suck - be glad someone told you!
Now leave the computer and go learn to write!

Ranting makes horrified readers feel better
Though there's really no reason for writing a flame.
What author will listen when insults upset her?
And the point thus gets lost, which is rather a shame.

It's hard to give concrit, but much more rewarding
To offer suggestions an author can use.
To say what needs work, and to praise what's deserving:
Give fair appraisal, not thoughtless abuse.

When a writer grows tired of cries of 'cool chapter!',
And finds that a flame doesn't matter a bit,
When they ask for reviews, what are they really after?
It's the hope, it's the hope,
It's the hope of concrit:
Of rational, reasonable, utterly logical
Lovingly detailed serious crit.


Apologies to any poets on my friendslist. I'm not a poet, I just wanted to write an amusing rant. Preferably without using Ye Olde Letter Format. Also, I realized at the end that I had added an extra verse. Oh well, I needed the room.

fanficrants cross-post.