Okay. I haven't got to the yaoi yet, but my brain is being quite definite about its desire to write this third Youji x Ken fic in my story arc thing. I'm getting slowly on with 'Seuche', but I keep getting distracted to go write this other fic and it's coming out a lot more easily. It's odd. I normally run screaming from trying to write anything less decorous than kissing (yeah, go figure that in relation to Chapter 7 of 'Seuche'. I dare you). Maybe it's just because I've got Youji and Ken to play with and that's different. It's special, even.

Maybe I really should just go with the flow, though I feel rather bad for working on this one before even starting part 2 of this story arc. Oh well, I'm not going to post it until I've finished the second story as well, so I can get the thing revised if it needs to, so maybe it won't make that much difference in the long run.

To use a metaphor which relates quite neatly to the Midwifery course I have no interest in - it's taking forceps and towels and gallons of hot water to get anywhere at all with my main fic. This annoys me because I want to write it. I am enjoying writing it. I'm just finding the actual process of getting ideas out of my brain and onto paper rather akin to pulling teeth at the moment. It's getting so I'm almost considering going and sitting on a bus with my notebook in the hope that it'll get the creative part of my brain working, seeing as I seem to have no problem writing a few hundred words of the fic when I'm traveling to and from college/placement/wherever. Or rather, pointed in the right direction. Or, more accurately still, getting it away from its desire to write non-explicit yaoi.

The problem is, I don't know if I want to.

Damn this Youji x Ken thing. It's getting worse, if that's possible. But is this such a bad thing? Sanity says yes. But do I really, deep down in the bottom of my secret heart, want to be sane if, in order to be considered such, I would have to stop being such a hopeless Ken fan? Probably not.

I'm like an unrepentant substance abuser. I know I've got a problem, but I won't go seeking help because I'm quite happy where I am, thank you. Even if I am frightening the horses in the process...

I really do think I am going to make that C2 community because it's really pretty hard to find decent fanfics for that pairing. The problem is, I have no idea what to call it. I was almost thinking about naming it Not Lonely after the fanlisting vermachtnis set up, but I wasn't sure. I know - I could just call it YoKen. But I don't want to, because I'd feel like I was copping out. I'm really beginning to feel like my fellow fangirls and myself need all the help we can get to locate decent fics. It doesn't help that we spend such a large proportion of our time fielding weird glances from Aya x Ken fangirls...

Yes, I think too much about too little, but what can I say. I'm hiding out from college work - and reality, for that matter - beneath the comfortable duvet of my own fangirlishness, and occasionally popping my head out from beneath it to answer the odd question on pregnant women. Which is really what I should be doing right now. It occurs to me that I have far too much I want to write. If there was only a way to get my college writing done at the same time I did all the rest of it, I'd be a very happy girl.

... I think I need to get back into college. You see what happens when I have too much time to myself?

Why am I posting this useless update? Simply: I pay for this service, so I'm determined to get my money's worth. Hopefully next time, though, I'll have something relevant to say - or, if not relevant, at least moderately amusing.