29 July 2005 @ 10:00 pm
I'm not panicking. I'm too tired to panic.  
Yes, as of this moment I officially feel like a zombie.

I would gladly sacrifice small, furry animals (as long as they weren't cats or pandas) to hideous slavering deities if it meant that I actually got a decent night's sleep. I couldn't get off last night thanks to both my own existential angst about my final interview and the horribly horrid heat, and when I finally did I had lousy nursing-centered dreams and consequently woke up feeling about as refreshed as a dried-up water hole. Or something. God, I must be tired, my metaphors have gone all to pot.

Anyways. Turns out that I needn't have worried.

I have passed my placement outcomes. As if this wasn't enough, I have passed my placement outcomes.

My mentor and I haven't quite finished the final interview thing yet, but we have done the Horrible Numbers Page Thingy wherein my performance is graded against a lot of at best mildly abstruse and at worst just plain stupid 'practice values'. The Horrible Numbers Page Thingy bothers me because I fear the appearance of the dreaded Number 1 (i.e. wow, you've failed). I was also worried because my previous mentor, the one who went on maternity leave halfway through the placement, gave me a decent number of far better scores and I was worried that my current, rather stricter mentor would mark me down which would have meant Questions in college. Luckily, she didn't. In some places she even marked me up.

She gave me some good advice, too. She's strict, yes, but hey - if she didn't tell me where I was going wrong I wouldn't know what to work on. I'm quite pleased that every time I do a final interview my mentors always pick up on different things I could work on - something must be going in after all.

Anyway, I still have four shifts left to pull, I'm so tired and burnt out I feel like screaming and my hours, when I've done everything I'm still scheduled for, clock in at 299 hours rather than the Magic 300 which would allow me to clear the placement with no questions asked, but at least I know I haven't failed my practice values. The relief is like a 10,000 ton elephant being winched off my back. Or something. Even better, it was the Ward Idiot's last day, so no more her. Thank Christ.

I'm going to bed.
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Current Music: vanilla (mars version) - gackt
Current Mood: 'exhausted' doesn't come close
 
 
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[identity profile] angstchan.livejournal.com on July 29th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
I told you.

; ; No one listens to me.
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[identity profile] sevendials.livejournal.com on August 1st, 2005 03:14 pm (UTC)
I'm a worrier, you know it. Still, at least I passed them and that's something. It's nerve-wracking doing those evaluations, though at least I'm better than some students at receiving constructive criticism. Funny, I know I used to take it dead personally but it just didn't bother me at all that my mentor was pointing out how I could improve. I was just all 'okay, fine' :) and I think it surprised her...

Sorry I wasn't on last night by the way, the 'boy' was using the computer and never tells me when he's off it, so I didn't realize he wasn't using it until the wee hours. So DAMMIT.
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[identity profile] angstchan.livejournal.com on August 1st, 2005 03:51 pm (UTC)
I'm a worrier, too, but I knew you could do it. :)
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[identity profile] devida.livejournal.com on July 30th, 2005 08:16 am (UTC)
aye. i got 2 more to do. today and on the 'morrow. i had my book signed completely on week 3.
i'm not gonna say any more about this odd ward i've been on as this line may not be secure.
at any rate it's not a bad place to work, but there's no stimulation to grow as a professional, but as we're taking care of the restless [and nearly] dead it's hardly surprising.
Hot? it's not hot, i've been down with a wrecked throat for the past few days. it's decidedly chilly.
hmmm.. need breakfast
laters xx
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[identity profile] arldetta.livejournal.com on July 30th, 2005 05:37 pm (UTC)
I say congrats. ^_^ I can't imagine how hard nursing is. And you're lucky you have a clear idea of what you want out of life. I'm still struggling with that which leads me straight into a ditch with no way out as of yet.

Anyway, more power to you and hopefully yo manage to get some sleep. Maybe with less stress your mind will relax enough. All I can say is I hate dreaming about work too. I did not so long ago and I went into work angry at my mangers for something that didn't actually do. Course they have already done enough to piss me off so I guess it was still somewhat justified.

Well, sleep, be marry and have fun! ;)
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[identity profile] sevendials.livejournal.com on August 1st, 2005 03:29 pm (UTC)
It's not so much hard as just freaking tiring. I sit here in the LRC typing this, feeling like a zombie, contemplating three shifts starting on the morrow and wondering just how in the flaming Hell I am ever going to get together enough by tomorrow morning to manage to complete them... guh. I've wanted to do it since I was a kid, though, so that does help. At least I know why I'm going through all this.

(Though what I really really want to do is write, I want to be a nurse almost as badly, so whatever... and hey, a 'young writer' is one under the age of thirty-five, so I figure there's plenty of time to have a plot idea for something other than angsty YoKen fanfiction.)

I need to relax, though. I'm just not getting anything done fic-wise at the moment and it's really frustrating. I really want to write and I'm just too wound up to get anything really done. Of course I'm still writing on the way into work, but it's a rough draft and the transcription from page to screen just seems like such a chore. I swear I'll get something real done when I'm on holiday, but right now I just can't seem to make anything come. I just sit there staring at the screen and feeling my attention start to wander...

... I do still want to help out with your block as much as I can, but I'm so fried right now I'm even more stuck than you are. Sigh. I promise once I can actually think again I will start to think about something useful. Really. Honest. I mean, I can only write my stuff because I've had the outline for 'Seuche' knocking round my brain for over a year and I know it backwards.

Oh well. It'll get better. It's got to get better, right?
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[identity profile] kay-cricketed.livejournal.com on August 14th, 2005 10:04 pm (UTC)
Aaahh, I was right, you DID pass them... congrats! *hugs tightly* I knew you would, of course, but it's nice to hear it aloud and for sure, you know? :)

I am sorry about feeling tired, though. I hope the nights rest did you good. :( I have to admire your decision to be a nurse, as I have no doubt there are less stressful, time-consuming, and exhausting jobs. *sighs* Poor Laila.

Anyway, again, congrats! *throws confetti* I should... I dunno, make something for you, maybe? What would you like? ^___^
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