Let us presume, for a minute, that fanficcers are not writing fanfiction but making sandwiches.

(I know. There is not a lot of correlation between fanfiction and sandwiches, not least of which because you can't upload a sandwich to the Internet no matter how hard you mash it against your modem. All you get is a mess and, if you keep on doing it, a broken modem. Please, bear with me.)

Let us presume that, instead of writing a certain kind of fanfiction - and, given that fanfiction is born of a writer's fangirl desires, generally speaking similar themes, concepts and character interpretations will show up in many of their fics - they are, instead, making a certain kind of sandwich. Let us presume that, instead of summaries, we have lists of ingredients. So, Fangirl A makes salmon and cream cheese bagels, Fangirl B makes peanut butter and jelly on Wonder Bread, and Fangirl C makes chorizo, feta, basil and sun-dried tomatoes drizzled with olive oil on foccacia.

So, into this world of highly specialized, variably-skilled sandwich makers we introduce the Consumer, otherwise known as General-You The Reader. Some are vocal in their appreciation, some content just to eat the sandwich and leave. Others don't like the sandwiches, and tell the makers so. Some of these complaints are, of course, totally valid, intended at heart to do nothing more than help the sandwich maker hone their craft.

Others, however - to stretch this analogy to breaking point - sound rather more like this...

[Scene: Helga's House of Doing Interesting Things With Bacon]

Customer:	Hi, I'd like a sandwich.
Sandwich Maker:	Sure, no problem. I can make you a great bacon sandwich. Or a bacon roll, or a BLT, or egg and bacon baguettes--
Customer:	Ah... well actually, I wanted chicken salad.
Sandwich Maker:	That could be a problem. You see, I do interesting things with bacon.
Customer:	Yeah, but you're a better sandwich maker than the one who makes chicken salad. Can't you make me a chicken salad sandwich? Just this once?
Sandwich Maker:	Uh... I've got a chicken and bacon sub?
Customer:	No thanks. I'm really not that into bacon, but - well, I'm hungry. I'll give the egg and bacon baguette a go?
Sandwich Maker:	Okay, coming right up.

ONE EGG AND BACON BAGUETTE LATER...

Sandwich Maker:	So, how was it?
Customer:	It wasn't bad, but I really wanted chicken salad and I still don't like bacon that much. Why don't you make chicken salad instead? I'm sure you'd be very good at it.
Sandwich Maker:	Uh... because I do interesting things with bacon? Like my store sign says?

( Click Here for Further Adventures in Sandwich-Making! )

If you don't like bacon, don't eat it.

If you don't like slash, or het, or Character A x Character B when Character C is right there and so much more awesome than Character B, don't read it. And, if you know that a certain ficcer consistently dishes up things you find distasteful, there are plenty of other people out there whose work you'll no doubt find more palatable.

It really isn't that hard to find something else to read.

I appear to have made all of fanficrants crave sandwiches.