I got my placement. ITU at the Heart Hospital. If I hadn't wanted an OR placement so badly, I'd probably be quite made up about now. It looks like a really good placement. But - big but at that - I'd wanted an OR placement. Not because I wanted an OR placement simply because I thought it looked easy, or like fun. I wanted to do it because I have been putting serious thought to going into OR nursing when I'm qualified and really wanted to spend my specialist placement there for no reason other than I'd know if it suited me as a result.

Now, unless I can find someone to swap with me (which isn't very likely because the vast majority of my coursemates are, generally speaking, inclined to be about as helpful as a bowl of oatmeal), if I did decide to go into OR nursing I'd now be going in blind. Needless to say this pisses me off just a little bit. If I'd just wanted to do OR nursing because hey, I thought I liked the look of it better than the other two, I wouldn't be so annoyed.

But that's not it. I wanted a placement there because I might want to work in an OR as a goddamned job. How am I supposed to know if I really do or if it's just a passing fancy when I'm never going to get a chance to go there for more than a few hours before I actually damned well apply?? That's not enough to get a feel for the area as anything more than a visitor.

More to the point - pissing me off just a little bit more - I just checked the way these placements have been allocated. And I'm not kidding, the Powers that Be have decided to allocate them alphabetically. Everyone whose surname boasts a first initial toward the top end of the alphabet got OR. Those in the middle got ITU. Those at the end, ER. It really is as insultingly simple as that. Translation? I've been denied the chance of going to see if an area of nursing I think I might want to go and work in post-registration actually suits me because my family name begins with a fucking J. If my family name had been Adams or Collins or something I wouldn't have this problem. But it's not. And I do. And as a consequence I want to strangle half the placements team with my headphone cord.

Yes, right now I am feeling just the slightest bit annoyed.

/bitching about placement

But whilst I'm on the subject of bitching a lot, my head aches, I'm tired, I'm bored rigid and I WANT TO GO HOME.

I'm bored. The boredom got into my head after our lecture finished at 11:30 this morning, leaving me with a two and a half hour lunch break. Long lunches are fun in a way, because I get to come online and be stupid. But they are also boring, because... well, do I have to draw you a picture? It's bloody annoying to have to sit round in college for hours waiting for afternoon class to start when all you really want is to go home and sleep (and get the boredom out your head thataway). I was planning on going into London after class today, but I'm too tired and fed up so I can't see it happening. Irritated, and I'm annoyed at myself for being irritated. I feel like lousy company at the moment, which means I probably am lousy company at the moment. The best thing I can do is take me and my bad mood back home where it can't do any damage, or make any more of my coursemates feel like strangling me.

I wonder how many times I've listened to Moonflower in the past 36 hours, aside from A Lot?

Oh, as for the other preoccupation in my life (Hang on, isn't that this slight thing I have for Ken? Well, no. This would be the other other preoccupation in my life) I was on the way into college when I realized it wasn't the opening to Chapter 21 of 'Seuche' which I killed. It was the opening to Chapter 22. For some reason this makes me feel a little happier, mainly because I've never had a 21-chapter-and-counting fanfic before. Or maybe it was because I finally got a decent opening for Chapter 22 while traveling in. That might have been it. With any luck this portends the start of something. I hope so. I really need my writer's block to lift. I haven't gone this long without writing anything in a while, and I think it's one of the reasons I'm feeling so pissy at everything at at the moment (placement woe aside, I mean). I hate neglecting my writing. I really do need to do it just to keep myself on an even keel.

I think I take fanfiction too seriously. In fact I know I do. Sometimes I wonder what the hell my problem is. I mean, it's only fanfiction after all. Though I like to think that it would matter to someone else but me if I never got this damn fic finished. Because it would matter to me. I think I would go crazy. Which says far more about me than I ever wanted to know.

Ugh, this is pathetically whiny. Going to stop inflicting myself on my friends list now. Oh well, at least 'Moonflower' loves me.

... here's a terror meme courtesy of kay_cricketed which I simply Could Not Resist.

Yup, it's That Goddamned LJ Interests Terror Meme Thing again. I need to stop posting terror memes. But hey, they're fun, and the potential for randomness that my interests could induce was simply too great for me to be able to resist. Forgive me, world. But I needed to do something to cheer myself up over South Bank University screwing my placements up yet again. Plus, I think this post is rather more interesting than the last one so read this, ignore the last one, forgive rambling because brain is being stupid again, need sleep badly, etcetera.

I'm actually kind of pleased by some of these. And anyone with a passing acquaintance with me and my interests will probably have guessed why already. All must fear the LJ Interests Meme BECAUSE THE MEME IS PSYCHIC AND WILL EAT YOUR SOUL.

( IT SEES ALL. )

Now I really am going to sleep before I start working myself up into a paranoid frenzy because I've managed to convince myself nobody likes me (which perhaps would be because I don't much like myself at the minute and that's mainly because I'm being stupid and whiny), such as which I haven't experienced since early adolescence. I've really had a horribly sterile and generically lousy day and my number one cure for bad days is to sleep through as much of them as is humanly possible in the hope that whatever twisted deity is delighting in tormenting me this time will get the bloody hint and leave me alone already. So it's time for bed, or at least for a concerted nap.

/laila signs out hoping for better things of tomorrow... please? Please?