Damnation, remind me never to procrastinate to that extent ever again. I woke up on Friday after all of two hours' sleep feeling so tired I was physically sick. And I still had to go into college and hand in my work. God knows how I made it through the day without crashing and burning, though that's definitely exactly what I did when I got back on Friday. Not fun, let me tell you.

The weekend wasn't much, largely because I spent much of it asleep. I'm on my Easter break now, two weeks late, and really should be getting heavily into my revision. The problem is that I've been feeling so tired and generally whacked out that idea's been a bit of a non-starter.

If that wasn't bad enough, I'm still wrestling with my yaoi fanfic.

How long does it take to organize a couple toward coitus anyway? God damn it, my life would be a whole lot simpler if I could just get Youji and Ken to have sex already. Why does it have to be so difficult to write about normal, consensual sex? I've written any number of 'difficult' scenes in my time: torture scenes, rapes, mad and crazy scientific experimentation, bloody and arduous fights, violent death and the like, most of which seem to have been included in the same story (It's called 'Seuche', it's angsty as sin and yes, I suppose when I put it like that I do look like a bit of a whacked-out fanficcer) and no matter how tricky they are, they've got absolutely nothing on trying to write about normal consensual sex conducted in the context of an only moderately unhealthy relationship between a pair of consenting adults. Yes, okay, the adults in question are of the same sex but that's why this is a yaoi fanfic.

For God's sake, guys, will you just get it on?

... you'd think Ken would be grateful that I was letting him have sex with someone rather than angsting him stupid, but apparently he's not. Damn the boy. Much more of this and he'll have me rushing off to plot even more ways to torment him, so he'd better just let me write this fic is all I can say - I'm having a lot of fun fleshing out the angles for the multi-part A/U I want to work on once I'm done with 'Seuche' (this one has Kase in - which is always bad news for Ken) and he's already in line for one hell of a lot of angst and torment without me getting vindictive...

My dilemmas with this story have called to mind two 'VG Cats' strips, though, so it's not all bad. The fact that my dilemmas have done this says something about the state of my mind, I guess, but all the same...

• Cletus Brand Chocobos


• Stranger Than Truth

If anyone actually reads this LJ and decides to actually read these comics, they will end up with a fairly good idea about both my frustrations (strip #1) and the content of the fanfic (strip #2). I've actually had lines from the first of these strips stuck in my head for most of the day. Wandering round the house shouting 'Just have sex already!' at innocent and determinedly unerotic articles of furniture is not an activity designed to convince the world - never mind me myself - that I'm sane, but it has been helping keep me from going completely batty whilst trying to somehow get Youji into bed with Ken. Damnation, sex scenes are hard.

... still, they're doing this to annoy me, I swear.

As if that wasn't bad enough, even once I've finished the thing I won't be able to post it because it's the third fic in my 'I am obsessed with Youji x Ken' story arc and I have yet to write the second - I need to hold off on posting in case the third fic needs some revision in light of the second. The second should be considerably easier, though, because although I'm pretty sure there's going to be a kiss or two, I'm not trying to get the characters to have sex.