laila (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sevendials) wrote2008-07-03 11:50 pm
sevendials) wrote2008-07-03 11:50 pm
Entry tags:
Meme Me a Meme
There was going to be a rant in here, but then something happened that was in no way utterly goddamn predictable: I got sick. I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and now have a full-blown cold. Yup, I caught another of my Famous Summer Colds that, at a time when everyone else in the country is outside enjoying the warm weather, keeps me indoors and lying in bed feeling achy. Which, admittedly, isn't that different to what I'd do even if I wasn't ill because I HATE SUMMER. But I digress. There was meant to be a rant in here, but I'm sick, so I'm doing something else.
Namely, I am doing a Terror Meme.
I got this off![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
pichi. Quite literally, as she found the meme then fed me the questions over AIM. The results were, I thought, funny enough that I wanted to keep them, so here is...
... and actually, I have no idea what this meme is really called because it didn't come with an official title, so I made one up. As I'm not feeling my best and can think of nothing better to call it, thus it gets a Fail!Title which is horribly overdescriptive. Well, it results in a lot of crack-pairings and fic-related nonsense, so The 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' Fandom Badfic Meme actually describes it pretty well. The instructions?
In an attempt to make things more interesting, I mixed things about a bit for the sake of having fun with some less commonly-known supporting characters. Sorry, Schwarz fangirls, but I really didn't want to answer random questions about Farfarello when I could have been talking about Yuriko. Anyway my twelve characters, in no particular order, were...
01. Schuldig
02. Aya
03. Youji
04. Ouka
05. Omi
06. Akira
07. Manx
08. Ken
09. Nagi
10. Neu
11. Crawford
12. Yuriko
... and, with a list like that, you know this is gonna be full of random crack. NOW READ ON.
1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic?
Um. No? I don't think Akira x Crawford actually exists. Partly because they never meet and given the timespan of the OAVs it would be very hard to convincingly have them meet without Ken turning into a jealous girlfriend and insisting that Crawford get his hands off his latest man-crush though that's never stopped fangirls before, but mainly I think because most people out there kind of forget the OAV-only characters exist. Largely because most of them have never seen itand even if they had they couldn't deny that the One Great OTP of the OAVs is Akira/Ken anyway.
2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
I don't think she's particularly hot - which I tend to interpret as a character who possesses rather more sexual charge than Ouka does; Youji for example I would descibe as 'hot', but not most of the others - but I definitely find her very pretty. I think she's one of the prettiest of the WK girls (which in all fairness she was probably intended to be) and I really like her coloring. Also, in a series which is mostly a fashion-free zone, she actually manages to be pretty well-dressed.
3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
All the known laws of human biology would twist and explode in a hellacious ball of glowing flame, the skies would turn dark and the world would invert on its axis. And start spinning backwards. There would be a media shitstorm the like of which the world had never seen and then Ken would go shopping for baby-gros.
4. Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
If you're asking for him as focus character? No. Most of them are OOC garbage and a fair few are - with apologies to Mystery Science Theater 3000 - overdramatical emofantastical sparklypoo marysue fun. I can, however, rec Bekampfen Sie das Kreuz which has Nagi in it, just because it's that awesome. Read it. Now.
5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Aya and Akira? NO.
6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
... oh, sweet baby Jesus. My views on Omi/Nagi are just - well, no. It's nigh-on impossible to make work in a canon setting any time pre-Gluhen and at that point you're dealing with Mamoru Takatori anyway. I know a lot of people disagree with me, but having read far more Omi/Nagi than I would ever have wanted to and seen what OOC trainwrecks they usually are, those people are wrong. Nagi and Omi are a pair of psychopaths who hate each other, not star-crossed lovers or the main characters of Yet Another Teen Date Movie. Omi/Neu actually looks like a better bet!
7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
She would wonder what bizarre AU incarnation of the series she'd wandered into this time, when Aya and Yuriko even met, and what the Hell they saw in one another. She would also advise Aya that getting out of the flowershop basement was a really good idea because Ken knew where he kept his katana.
8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
Youji/Neu? Holy Hell. Still, I almost wish I had a crack pair there because I could write a crack summary - these two deserve a lot better than random ass-pullage of the 'yeah right like that'd happen' school. Um... okay, and please excuse the wangsty urple:
"It was hard enough losing her the first time. What Youji hadn't realized was quite how lost she'd become. When the past doesn't want to stay buried, what's a lovelorn assassin to do?" Best I can do on a minute's notice without an actual plot to try and summarize AND NOW I WANT SOMEONE TO WRITE THIS.
9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Wow, that's my favorite crack pairing! *licks it* Well... yes, there is, because I've read it, but no, there shouldn't be because this pairing just DOES. NOT. WORK. without a degree of nonconsensual coercion or at the very least frustrated rage on Ken's part. There's absolutely no way, all things being equal and Ken's mind remaining unfucked, that he'd want Schuldig to tease and pet him while he was making breakfast or somesuch, or come hold his hand while he was in hospital. Ken hates Schuldig; Schuldig doesn't find him particularly interesting in how own right and has to come up with other things to do with him that don't involve mindfuckery alone because Ken's mind is far too dull for him; that's largely the point.
10. Suggest a summary for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic
"Yuriko is heartbroken when she arrives in Australia alone, however, a certain voluptious vacationing redhead has plans to chase her blues away" and OH GOD HAVING WRITTEN THAT I AM NOW GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST FROM SHAME.
11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
Terrible characterization and a handily-placed strap-on. Also random aphrodisiacs that leave people hopelessly horny and prone to copulating with anything. And time travel.
12. Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Not that I know of, but then from what I know of Manx slash is practically unheard of anyway. Partly because the woman is one of the most heterosexual things ever, partly because she's got boobs in a fandom that's obsessed with Teh Cawk, and partly because most of it would make no sense anyway... and besides, out of most of my friends, I'm the shameless Manx fangirl. Though I once got commentspammed by a girl who wanted her to do it with Omi. The mind boggles and, having boggled, breaks.
13. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Pretty much all of them, mostly unintentionally. If a Weiss fic is at all decent, it'll make some mention of how UTTERLY RAVINGLY STRAIGHT Youji is 99.95% of the time, and even if he's never described as getting lady-action on-page he should definitely be getting plenty in between the lines.
14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Yes, because I also know Schwarz fans. Next question?
15. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
... wow. That almost works. That's barely even crack. And I bet anything thatpichi would or has done and if she did I bet it was awesome, too, because she has this tendency to be. Still wish I'd written Deep Blue...
16. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
'Mindbending continuity fuckups'. Also, there would be Ken because there just WOULD. If you want Schuldig/Akira/Yuriko from me, you get 100% Ken extra free by default, and if you don't want bonus Ken by default you should go read a Schuldig/Akira/Yuriko fic by a different author. HE IS THE ONLY THING THEY HAVE IN COMMON, unless 'they're all members of the same species' counts.
17. What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
"Where is my sister? WHERE IS MY SISTER?!"
18. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
June 15th, 2008. It was a Mary Sue, it was on Quizilla, and it SUCKED. All about the usual random Speshul Girl of Speshulness (who was of course in his class) showing up at the shop and wooing him because she was there and so deeply generic he couldn't help but fall in love. The one before that was no better, because the Sue in question was Crawford's hideous bitch of a little sister who looked more like his little female clone and was a heinous cow to absolutely everyone because that made her like, cool and edgy. And Omi still fell in love with her because she was there.
19. What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Well, you asked for it... Akira once had torrid sex in an abandoned fairground with a dark-haired assassin he had known for about a day--oh, wait, you want a kink. Okay, there was bondage involved. Hey, a girl can dream!
20. Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
According to what feels like about half the Schwarz fangirls out there, yes he would, regardless of whether or not Nagi actually wanted him to. According to me, no, not a chance. Crawford's feelings for Nagi strike me as weirdly paternal and, as I do not imagine him having an incest kink, I doubt it would even occur to him to try and mount the kid. Especially not without Nagi's consent. Because Nagi would proceed to splatter him all over the walls.
21. "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Okay, so let me see if I've got this straight. Schuldig and Nagi are in a happy relationship until Nagi suddenly runs off with Ouka, as you do, so Schuldig, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Crawford who is his boss and that won't make the relationship awkward at all, and a brief unhappy affair with Yuriko, who has magically returned from Austraila for the purposes of this fanfic and is totally hot for German telepaths with hair like hers, then follows the wise advice of Omi who really cares about the love lives of his deadly enemies, and finds true love with a drunk, drugged and character-raped Youji. I would call it Do Not Read This Fanfic, subtitle it No, Really, This Is Not A Joke, Do Not Read It For It Is Made Of Fail, andcards_slash should write it because she at least would make it the good kind of crack. And if she wrote it, everyone should read it.
So, bad though a lot of Weiss Kreuz fanfiction is, it appears it could comfortably stand to get a Hell of a lot worse.
Namely, I am doing a Terror Meme.
I got this off
pichi. Quite literally, as she found the meme then fed me the questions over AIM. The results were, I thought, funny enough that I wanted to keep them, so here is...The 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' Fandom Badfic Meme
... and actually, I have no idea what this meme is really called because it didn't come with an official title, so I made one up. As I'm not feeling my best and can think of nothing better to call it, thus it gets a Fail!Title which is horribly overdescriptive. Well, it results in a lot of crack-pairings and fic-related nonsense, so The 'You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet' Fandom Badfic Meme actually describes it pretty well. The instructions?
1. Pick twelve characters from your fandom of choice. Number them from one to twelve. Do not look at the questions until you have picked your characters, because that's cheating.
2. Once you have a numbered list of characters, go and read the questions. Replace the numbers in the questions with the name of the corresponding character on your list - so, if the question asks about Three and Nine, it is not referring to the Third and Ninth Doctors, it's asking how the third and ninth characters on the list. Unless Character Three and Character Nine are the Third and Ninth Doctors, of course.
3. Repeat ad nauseam.
In an attempt to make things more interesting, I mixed things about a bit for the sake of having fun with some less commonly-known supporting characters. Sorry, Schwarz fangirls, but I really didn't want to answer random questions about Farfarello when I could have been talking about Yuriko. Anyway my twelve characters, in no particular order, were...
01. Schuldig
02. Aya
03. Youji
04. Ouka
05. Omi
06. Akira
07. Manx
08. Ken
09. Nagi
10. Neu
11. Crawford
12. Yuriko
... and, with a list like that, you know this is gonna be full of random crack. NOW READ ON.
1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic?
Um. No? I don't think Akira x Crawford actually exists. Partly because they never meet and given the timespan of the OAVs it would be very hard to convincingly have them meet without Ken turning into a jealous girlfriend and insisting that Crawford get his hands off his latest man-crush though that's never stopped fangirls before, but mainly I think because most people out there kind of forget the OAV-only characters exist. Largely because most of them have never seen it
2. Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
I don't think she's particularly hot - which I tend to interpret as a character who possesses rather more sexual charge than Ouka does; Youji for example I would descibe as 'hot', but not most of the others - but I definitely find her very pretty. I think she's one of the prettiest of the WK girls (which in all fairness she was probably intended to be) and I really like her coloring. Also, in a series which is mostly a fashion-free zone, she actually manages to be pretty well-dressed.
3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
All the known laws of human biology would twist and explode in a hellacious ball of glowing flame, the skies would turn dark and the world would invert on its axis. And start spinning backwards. There would be a media shitstorm the like of which the world had never seen and then Ken would go shopping for baby-gros.
4. Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
If you're asking for him as focus character? No. Most of them are OOC garbage and a fair few are - with apologies to Mystery Science Theater 3000 - overdramatical emofantastical sparklypoo marysue fun. I can, however, rec Bekampfen Sie das Kreuz which has Nagi in it, just because it's that awesome. Read it. Now.
5. Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Aya and Akira? NO.
6. Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
... oh, sweet baby Jesus. My views on Omi/Nagi are just - well, no. It's nigh-on impossible to make work in a canon setting any time pre-Gluhen and at that point you're dealing with Mamoru Takatori anyway. I know a lot of people disagree with me, but having read far more Omi/Nagi than I would ever have wanted to and seen what OOC trainwrecks they usually are, those people are wrong. Nagi and Omi are a pair of psychopaths who hate each other, not star-crossed lovers or the main characters of Yet Another Teen Date Movie. Omi/Neu actually looks like a better bet!
7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
She would wonder what bizarre AU incarnation of the series she'd wandered into this time, when Aya and Yuriko even met, and what the Hell they saw in one another. She would also advise Aya that getting out of the flowershop basement was a really good idea because Ken knew where he kept his katana.
8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
Youji/Neu? Holy Hell. Still, I almost wish I had a crack pair there because I could write a crack summary - these two deserve a lot better than random ass-pullage of the 'yeah right like that'd happen' school. Um... okay, and please excuse the wangsty urple:
"It was hard enough losing her the first time. What Youji hadn't realized was quite how lost she'd become. When the past doesn't want to stay buried, what's a lovelorn assassin to do?" Best I can do on a minute's notice without an actual plot to try and summarize AND NOW I WANT SOMEONE TO WRITE THIS.
9. Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Wow, that's my favorite crack pairing! *licks it* Well... yes, there is, because I've read it, but no, there shouldn't be because this pairing just DOES. NOT. WORK. without a degree of nonconsensual coercion or at the very least frustrated rage on Ken's part. There's absolutely no way, all things being equal and Ken's mind remaining unfucked, that he'd want Schuldig to tease and pet him while he was making breakfast or somesuch, or come hold his hand while he was in hospital. Ken hates Schuldig; Schuldig doesn't find him particularly interesting in how own right and has to come up with other things to do with him that don't involve mindfuckery alone because Ken's mind is far too dull for him; that's largely the point.
10. Suggest a summary for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic
"Yuriko is heartbroken when she arrives in Australia alone, however, a certain voluptious vacationing redhead has plans to chase her blues away" and OH GOD HAVING WRITTEN THAT I AM NOW GOING TO SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST FROM SHAME.
11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
Terrible characterization and a handily-placed strap-on. Also random aphrodisiacs that leave people hopelessly horny and prone to copulating with anything. And time travel.
12. Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Not that I know of, but then from what I know of Manx slash is practically unheard of anyway. Partly because the woman is one of the most heterosexual things ever, partly because she's got boobs in a fandom that's obsessed with Teh Cawk, and partly because most of it would make no sense anyway... and besides, out of most of my friends, I'm the shameless Manx fangirl. Though I once got commentspammed by a girl who wanted her to do it with Omi. The mind boggles and, having boggled, breaks.
13. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Pretty much all of them, mostly unintentionally. If a Weiss fic is at all decent, it'll make some mention of how UTTERLY RAVINGLY STRAIGHT Youji is 99.95% of the time, and even if he's never described as getting lady-action on-page he should definitely be getting plenty in between the lines.
14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Yes, because I also know Schwarz fans. Next question?
15. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
... wow. That almost works. That's barely even crack. And I bet anything that
pichi would or has done and if she did I bet it was awesome, too, because she has this tendency to be. 16. If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
'Mindbending continuity fuckups'. Also, there would be Ken because there just WOULD. If you want Schuldig/Akira/Yuriko from me, you get 100% Ken extra free by default, and if you don't want bonus Ken by default you should go read a Schuldig/Akira/Yuriko fic by a different author. HE IS THE ONLY THING THEY HAVE IN COMMON, unless 'they're all members of the same species' counts.
17. What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
"Where is my sister? WHERE IS MY SISTER?!"
18. When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
June 15th, 2008. It was a Mary Sue, it was on Quizilla, and it SUCKED. All about the usual random Speshul Girl of Speshulness (who was of course in his class) showing up at the shop and wooing him because she was there and so deeply generic he couldn't help but fall in love. The one before that was no better, because the Sue in question was Crawford's hideous bitch of a little sister who looked more like his little female clone and was a heinous cow to absolutely everyone because that made her like, cool and edgy. And Omi still fell in love with her because she was there.
19. What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Well, you asked for it... Akira once had torrid sex in an abandoned fairground with a dark-haired assassin he had known for about a day--oh, wait, you want a kink. Okay, there was bondage involved. Hey, a girl can dream!
20. Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
According to what feels like about half the Schwarz fangirls out there, yes he would, regardless of whether or not Nagi actually wanted him to. According to me, no, not a chance. Crawford's feelings for Nagi strike me as weirdly paternal and, as I do not imagine him having an incest kink, I doubt it would even occur to him to try and mount the kid. Especially not without Nagi's consent. Because Nagi would proceed to splatter him all over the walls.
21. "One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three." What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.
Okay, so let me see if I've got this straight. Schuldig and Nagi are in a happy relationship until Nagi suddenly runs off with Ouka, as you do, so Schuldig, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Crawford who is his boss and that won't make the relationship awkward at all, and a brief unhappy affair with Yuriko, who has magically returned from Austraila for the purposes of this fanfic and is totally hot for German telepaths with hair like hers, then follows the wise advice of Omi who really cares about the love lives of his deadly enemies, and finds true love with a drunk, drugged and character-raped Youji. I would call it Do Not Read This Fanfic, subtitle it No, Really, This Is Not A Joke, Do Not Read It For It Is Made Of Fail, and
cards_slash should write it because she at least would make it the good kind of crack. And if she wrote it, everyone should read it.So, bad though a lot of Weiss Kreuz fanfiction is, it appears it could comfortably stand to get a Hell of a lot worse.
no subject
The only part of that that made any sense was Schuldig screwing Crawford...(i'm all for that never mind how Crawford is straight.)
I loved your meme.
no subject
no subject
I think I just died. Brain-exploding, gut-exploding laughter-induced death. Mostly because I had to not laugh aloud because my brother would demand to know and, well, that would be SLIGHTLY awkward.
Thank you. Especially for the last. xD
no subject
As for the last point, well, you need to read the fic then. Somehow