Oh, Jesus fuck.

It's been one of those nights, and I can tell it's going to be one of those days.

What kind of nights? You know the kind. The ones where you're exhausted, and you just lie there and lie there and lie there, feeling tired as fuck and wanting nothing more than to go to sleep, but your brain refuses to shut down on you and all that happens is you just lie there and lie there some more and wonder how early it's getting, and how long it is before you have to get up, and I'm not going to get any sleep at all, am I?

Sometimes it seems like there's nothing like needing sleep to chase it away. Of course, it doesn't help that I've got a rather nasty cough and I'm thinking about Youji x Ken slash about once every five minutes.

I can’t say for sure if I did sleep (I'm suspecting not). If I was granted that amazing boon, it was probably shallow as Hell and going on for more than about twenty minutes at a time. After lying there for a Hell of a long time and getting no closer to sleep than that sort of vague-headed, heavy-limbed don't-want-to-move feeling would allow, I decided I wasn't kidding anybody.

Well, you know how it goes. When you've got to get up in about half an hour anyway, the idea of actually getting to sleep seems kind of moot. Most likely it wouldn't happen and even if it did, what's the point? I'd have had to get up in half an hour anyway and I wouldn't feel any better for it.

End result: I'm so tired I feel positively nauseated with it and staring a twelve-and-a-half hour shift in the face. Oh what joy. I know I'll sleep tonight but that doesn't do me any good now, does it?

Who was it told the person who made this mood icon set that their 'awake' icon thingy should be so horribly chipper? That does it, I'm definitely making my own. Which will sum up rather more accurately what I feel like when the only thing I'm really feeling is awake. Some day, she says, I will be able to write again...

I feel sick. And I really don't want to go to work.

And - life sucks sometimes, doesn't it? - why is it that now I feel I would be perfectly capable of going to sleep sitting up and not waking up for about twenty hours straight whereas an hour ago when I was lying in my bed thinking 'I'm so tired' thoughts I felt so horribly alert? Please tell me this, body. It's not like I wanted to sit up all night. You were the one who played the no-sleep card. Or is this just divine justice from the Fanfic Gods for my constantly writing (well, writing twice at any rate) Insomniac!Ken? Or is it that they've decided they only want me to write what I know? Oh, don't say that, Fanfic Gods. I like writing non-con slash and bloody death scenes.

In other news, I appear to have decided that Riza Hawkeye is the epitome of female sexiness. And, unlike everything else I have written here, - well, except for the bit about the Youji x Ken slash - I'll very likely still be thinking that when I get home tonight. If I get home tonight and don't drop dead of exhaustion around about three o'clock.

Hey, unjustified histrionics never hurt anybody.