Because these entries are usually filled with aggravation, complaints in the key of D minor, hatred for all things that are not me, aren't cool or don't have anything to do with anime or Ken and enough snark to sink a battleship, I decided that today was about the moment for me to break with that tradition and post something rather less aggravated.

Why? Because, deep down, I think I am a very happy person.

I was coming home from work tonight, walking through the decidedly damp and empty Russell Square Gardens, staring at the fountain (which I think is OMG PRETTY and the main reason I walk through the park on my way home rather than go to a closer bus stop near a corner shop but which wouldn't let me walk through the park on my way home) and thinking of nothing in particular when it suddenly struck me that I was feeling happy. I was tired, my feet ached and I just wanted to go home and I was happy.

No. I'm not a masochist, but in a lot of ways my life genuinely has never been better, troubles and all. Before I moved to London and started this course my life seemed like nothing but a long succession of rocky patches, but I've got here and - well, there are still problems but seriously, I have never been happier. Not just content, genuinely really pretty damn pleased with pretty much damn everything. And why shouldn't I be pleased? I've wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember and wished to live in London likewise. Why the Hell am I complaining?

Everyone has problems, right? And most of the problems I have now are minor, niggly and perfectly solvable things. If I'd been able to see where I was now a couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been able to believe it. I've done thoroughly miserable. Did it for about a year when I was working in Tescos supermarkets, going absolutely nowhere with my life but round in circles. And yup, it makes me appreciate being where I am now all the more. I have ambitions now; things seem possible in a way they haven't done for ages, perhaps never have done before. Life is good, or good enough. I'm basically happy.

And hey, basically happy is better than I've managed before.

The happy just pours into me sometimes. I feel really overjoyed at the oddest of moments. Like coming home on the bus. That's happened to me a couple of times. Each time I've felt it was kind of weird, but hey. Who's complaining? Better that than to be depressed for no reason.

There are lots of little things in my life that make me happy, too, besides the obvious ones I've already gone into (writing, Ken, eating bagels, my hopeless fangirlishness, Japanese songs). Like rain. Rain makes me happy, and running my hand along the tops of cars when they're wet and collecting the water against my hand. Simple but strangely fun. I enjoy lying down after work and feeling pleasantly achy and it's even better when I don't have to get up again the following day, which I do tomorrow but hell, whatever. Evenings make me happy, when I'm at work, because the end of the day's in sight and suddenly it doesn't seem like it was so long, or so bad, after all. And then there's cats, and nightfall, and crossing the Thames twice a day, and I'm looking forward to autumn when I will be a third year and we'll get mists and the leaves will fall and everything will become muted, and storms, and being by the sea...

My mentor told me she thinks I'm doing well on this placement, too.

I really like this placement, too, after all the angsting I did about it, too. It's a good ward, and I like the staff. Ward Idiot aside (and she's a student!) I've been able to get on with every member of staff I have worked alongside. I might not like them, but I don't feel ill at ease or stupid around them in the way I have with some of the other staff members on the placements I have done. I actually have decent and thoughtful mentors, too, which really makes a change.

So yeah. It's just past ten and I'm tired, but less so than I was yesterday, and I'm thinking of heading to bed and eating something and going to sleep though maybe not in precisely that order. I'm at work tomorrow, but after that I'm off until Tuesday and that will be a happy thing to be, as well. And because I'm tired from my shift there's no reason why I shouldn't sleep well.

Can you be drunk and incoherent on happy? Maybe you can, and that is what has happened to me. But whatever. I don't much care. Because I'm just too damn happy at the moment for that kind of thing to bother me.

Oh, and before I forget: :)