I really should stop taking showers when I'm due to go to work (and reading horribly graphic, angst-ridden Ken-centric torture fics any time at all, but damn it, I happen to rather like them) because it only leads me down the path of speculation and total, utter idiot speculation at that.

But I have to blog about it, 'cause otherwise it'll bug me all damn day.

(And this is about the point those of you uninterested in Yet Another Damn Weiss Rant should probably stop reading.)

Namely: why is the fanbrat favorite way of writing about Kritiker the hardest to pull off correctly?

Now, the way I see it, extensive research into the ways of Weiss Kreuz fanfic has led me to the conclusion that there are three ways of writing about Kritiker. To whit Good, Bad and Indifferent. All three of them require slightly different things from the thoughtful writer, and all three of them are pretty much justifiable going by the canon. Provided, of course, you're prepared to put the work into it. The Ken-centric torture fic I mentioned earlier is aty present working very much overtime to establish Kritiker as unremittingly Evil with a capital EVIL.

The Good? Favored, I fear, by fanbrats. Sorry, Manx, Birman, Persia and all the rest of you, but it's true. This involves Kritiker being secretly utterly nice - very much the Brady Bunch of covert assassination rings, with Manx as everyone's big sister and Persia as the biggest of Big Daddies. Suethors like going this route because it allows Persia to behave toward their spawns in a manner that is positively daddyish (perhaps it's fitting given how many of them he's supposedly been responsible for fathering). Needless to say, this is a damned difficult trick to pull off since nothing we see in the show suggests Kritiker really care this much about their employees. Okay, Manx is a moot, but she actually has personal contact with them...

Anyway, the Bad route is rather more interesting. In this Kritiker becomes very shadowy indeed and, yes, Evil with a capital EVIL. They're not just manipulating Weiss, theyr're actively out to get them regardless of the fact that Weiss are, you know, kind of useful to them. They probably sponsor stealing candy from small babies as well as small groups of covert assassins who spend their down time selling flowers. Needless to say this takes quite a bit of work and - gasp - OCs to be done with any real conviction, so it's no wonder a lot of ficcers run scared of this. However, when this is done well, it's done very well indeed. Even if it does beg the quetion of why Kritiker bother with Weiss in the first place, but the good fics tend to explain this, so...

Still, I don't agree, personally, with either of them. Well, not for my own fics.

I like Kritiker as entirely indifferent. Basically, this means I think they just don't care what their teams do or what state they're in just as long as they're out there making stuff die. Well, it's not like any of them are irreplaceable. Personally, I think this is not only justified but works very well indeed, and doesn't even take much work either.

Anyway, what I don't understand is why presenting Kritiker as One Big Happy Blackops Family (apologies to the Harry Potter fandom) should be by far the most popular route for badficcers to go and yet be the one that's hardest to write. I don't mind that it's not convincing since badficcers aren't usually that interested in keeping it real, but - damn, it's HARD to write them like that and not end up looking like a total idiot because really, Persia doesn't give a shit about what happens to Weiss. He only barely gives a shit about Omi and he's his HUGE GREAT HONKIN' KAPITEL SPOILER.

Why he ends up acting like everyone's dad (or at least Mary Sue's dad) in so much badfic I have no idea when it's not even easy to write him like this... But that is, I suppose, presuming fanbrats actually care about things like characterization. Whoops. I always make that mistake.

Whoa, what a filler. I may have more to say about this later, but for now I'm going to work.

Oh my God, oh my God, I am such a nerd.

Six in the bastard morning and me about to go to work for twelve damn hours and my hair's still wet from the shower and I'm sitting here writing an LJ post about a fictional secret organization and its portrayal in fanfiction. What the fuck is the matter with me and why does it feel so damn good? I never want to leave this fangirl space. It's just so much fun.

(But Christ, couldn't I have found a less silly show to go nuts over? I love Weiss Kreuz dearly, but what does going all out for something sane anime fans are just about willing to describe as a Guilty Pleasure fandom, if they aren't bitching about how [full of plot holes/badly-animated/blatantly fanservicey/whatever] it is, say about me?)

I'm a complete nerd and I'm twenty-four years old. I should have grown out of this long ago and started worrying about childcare and getting onto the property ladder or something else like that like all the rest of the functional adult human beings out there, but instead I'm too busy writing geeky LJ posts like this then bursting out laughing about them in the middle of the damned sluice room.

Oh, and reading angst-ridden Ken-centric torture fics. Man, and I thought I liked tormenting that kid...

It's not my fault, it's Ken's! For being so goddamn CUTE.

Speaking of: Must write Seuche tomorrow since it's my day off, and finish Going Underground which nobody here's ever heard of because it's my take on the frackin' Subway Arc I hated so much and also because it's actually pretty easy to write. It's already far longer than I thought it'd be and I've only just got to the molestation bit. Ken hasn't yet caught on but, bless him, he's not very good at that so I might have a way to go yet before he figures that out...

Which means I'd better spork that shitty necrophilia fic for weiss_badfics tonight. Okay, shutting up now.