Okay, so I didn't post on Monday because I was watching Verbrechen/Strafe again in celebration of making it through the first day of placement intact, and I didn't post yesterday either because of cunning scheduling which had me working a late shift then an early shift meaning all I had time to do was come home and fall asleep.

Still, I've got to say something about this placement sometime so I might as well do it now. I've been putting it off for quite long enough and it's not like it's going to go away if I don't say anything.

First things first: it's really not that I hate it.

I don't want to complain too much or give the impression I'm hating things. I like the job and, after having free time in abundance lately, I'm actually kind of glad to be doing something with my days again - even if it's only because it makes me far more appreciative of the free time I do have. I'm glad to know, after so much time away from general wards, that I can still do this thing. I'm glad to know that after 12 weeks of this starting a job probably won't be beyond me.

I'm also glad that the staff there are so easy to get on with and that my mentors, while they may not be the cuddliest of the bunch, are knowledgeable and helpful. Also, both working short shifts while I'm going to be on long days as of next week (the ward works long days), meaning that when they're not there I'll probably find it pretty easy to start working autonomously. And I'm glad that I've already done a placement in a very similar (in fact almost identical) environment while in my first year so this isn't coming as a complete shock to the system.

That said, I'm getting the sneaking feeling that all 12 weeks on a medical ward will do for me is confirm in my mind that I'm a natural where it comes to surgery.

Yeah. There you have the root of the problem. I don't like medical nursing.



text stolen from .:CaNdI~aNgEl~gRrL:.'s myspace - or it could have been, anyway.

Also, I didn't think sites like this, sites which would send an epileptic into tonic-clonic convulsions, existed outside grim internet jokes. You see, I'm an elitist bitch. I go make dolls, in an ironic kind of way of course, on that Korean doll maker site and just handle the fact it's, like, all in foreign.

Sorry, but I needed to get that off my chest. This is my problem with the ward. Not the staff, not the fact that the job is frequently unglamorous and extremely exhausting. It's just that working in medicine is cementing my love for surgery. I'm not talking OR work - just surgical nursing in general. I can handle surery. I know how to deal with surgical patients. I like the quick turnover, the relatively tight focus, the shape of the days, the atmosphere, the fact that something's gone wrong but don't worry, we're going to fix it the best we can.

Medicine? Not so fond of that. And neuro medicine? Oh dear.

Add to that the fact I consider my mind my defining feature, and having something go irretrievably wrong with my brain is my biggest fear alongside dying in fire, and you begin to see my problem with this placement.

The consequences? I'm quietly resenting being there when the specialty terrifies and depresses me far more than it interests me, when the skills I'm really concerned in trying to hone aren't even being used, and - frankly, my dear, I'm bored. I (whisper it) am not exatly over-interested in what's going on here and 12 weeks of trying to fake it is - well, it's going to be a challenge, let's put it that way. I'm going to try and make the best of it, I'm going to try my hardest to get as much out of this as possible, but I can't escape the sneaking feeling that I really shouldn't be in here.

I have told my mentors some of this. I'm just a compulsive confessor and I won't exactly be getting that much out the placement if they don't have some idea what I want - apart, that is, from out, but that's not going to happen.

Oh well, laila, grin and bear it. At least Predilection loves me.

In other news, I've got my proper glasses back from the mender's which makes me quite indecently happy, and I also think I'm going to try my hand at making myself a decent custom mood set, because all the cool kids have them and I'm pretty sure I have enough black and white Ken pictures to manage something along those lines. And this also appears to be my 250th journal entry. Scaaary.