Gah.

Mildly annoyed right now. Got a minor block with 'Seuche'. Minor because I know exactly what I want to do and where I'm going, but can I get the bloody thing down onto paper (or rather, my PC screen)? Can I hell. This is pretty damn annoying under any conditions, but it gets really, really annoying when you have en entire story planned out in outline, know exactly what the plot is doing, where you're going and how to get there and yet cannot seem to actually write anything. So, basically... Gah.

Sums it up quite neatly, I feel.

It's really annoying because I'm off college for a couple days - this Maternity placement really is bitty as hell - and wanted to use that time both creatively and cheaply by staying in and getting my fics done. No dice, though, which sucks.

Obviously the Gods or fate or whatever have decided I'm not going to get off entirely scot-free for putting Ken through absolute Hell in the name of fangirlishness. I'll admit it's been absolutely Angst City in these last few chapters so maybe this is a kind of revenge from the Gods of Fanfiction telling me to tone it down a bit. They've kidnapped my muse, the bastards! I don't want to tone anything down, though. It's fun being evil and I like angst.

If I mention that the minute I get my inspiration back I'll be using it to try and get an unscheduled appearance of Schuldich into this twisted tale of mine - yup, Schuldich yet again - I bet I'll never get over my block, so if the Gods are reading this... you imagined that last paragraph and I've never even heard of Schuldich. Honest. Really. Truth!

... it kind of annoys me that barely anyone ever seems to review 'Seuche'. Damn you, fanfiction.net! What reviews I get tend to be long and positive and lovely and I love them and my reviewers to death (I'm really, really grateful for all the support and encouragement you people have been giving me - thanks!), but I don't think I'm that much of an acquired taste, am I? Yes, I know the fic's long, twisted and angsty and reading it is quite an undertaking time-wise, but why oh why is it that I can spend months working on something long which actually has, you know, a PLOT, put my heart and soul into it and get virtually no attention, and yet some idiot can post some drabble thought up in five minutes and written in ten and get a hell of a lot more in the way of responses than I ever do... well, it makes you think.

It also makes me think that perhaps some of the people on ff.net shouldn't be posting their writing just yet.

Yes, I wrote awful, pointless, out-of-character 'Bubblegum Crisis' fanfiction at fourteen years old, not that I knew that was what I was doing. I think every other ficcer starts off on stupid, out-of-character comedy pieces. The difference is that I wouldn't have dreamed of inflicting it on the innocent denizens of the Internet. Simply put, whilst I enjoyed writing it and it made me laugh, essentially it was stupid, self-indulgent and stuffed full of things that only seemed like a good idea at the time (at least it wasn't riddled with Mary Sues and romantic wish-fulfilment. Sigh). And I recognized that. I didn't used to let anyone else read my writing as a teenager, because I knew that, while I enjoyed it, it wasn't very good. There's nothing wrong with writing stuff like that, but I wish the people who did wouldn't imagine the rest of us are remotely interested.

It makes me wonder if perhaps, when ficcers post juvenilia like this and then get praised for doing it, it isn't harming their chances of developing into a rather better writer further down the line.

At least I'm getting a few good reviews for Chapter One of 'Honey Trap', including one which threatens me with death if I don't update. Maybe karma is telling me I should stick to comedy? But what is the ultimate fate of my attempt to write a comedy fic where I hope to keep Ken largely in-character in a sea of 'whacky' parody fanfics where the poor guy comes across as almost terminally intellectually compromised while really stupid things happen for absolutely no reason other than 'um... it's whacky!'? Okay, Ken has his airheaded moments, but I don't think that necessarily makes him so dim it's a wonder he can tie his own laces...

Mwahaha.

Early afternoon, my inspiration returned with a vengeance. As anyone who has ever read one of my fanfics knows, this probably isn't the best of news, or at least it isn't for the poor, innocent characters who dwell therein. Oh, no. Definitely and assuredly not. It's good news for everyone who's been reviewing my stuff and telling me they think I need to make my fic even more angsty than it is already.

Long story short: I've had two ideas of differing levels of evilness. They're both for 'Seuche'. I'll try and drop a few brief hints without giving too much away because I know how much arldetta likes angst and may well appreciate the suggestion that more's coming. ^^

• Idea One:

When I had this, I jumped up in the air and squealed like an anime ditz. Literally. Why? It involves my favorite evil-doer - namely Schuldich - and gives me another chance to have him really get at Ken, which he seems to be doing with distressing regularity. Believe me, this is one evil idea. I can't say much more without giving it away, but I will mention that this time a third party is also going to be involved. Now speculate away, angst fans...


• Idea Two:

This involves a rewrite of one of Ken's scenes in Chapter 13 - yup, that's the next one - so I am very glad I had this idea now and not after I posted it! I've decided that I'm going to change the setting to allow for a bit of fanservice with my angst. Since the scene takes place in a bathroom anyway, I've decided, why not let him take a shower? Ha! Well, I've been wanting to do something like that for a while because I'm a fangirl, so why not?

I've also managed to finish the scene that was giving me all the trouble this afternoon and have therefore turned my attention to the new fic parts I've been writing on my way into placement (I didn't type them up last weekend 'cause I was busy finishing 'Honey Trap'), and I've managed to get a couple of pages of them typed up. So all things considered, today's gone rather better than I thought it would when I wrote my long irritated post this afternoon. :)

... I think I'm over my writer's block.