So, it's nearly two in the morning and John and I have got to the stage of tiredness where making dumb sex jokes about Ken Hidaka seems like a really good idea.

I don't know what it is about Ken. Maybe it's not him at all, it's just because the screencaps I'm using a very heavy on, well, Ken images. Maybe if I use pichi's caps next time I want to do one of these posts, I'll end up making a load of dumbassed sex jokes about Omi getting pounced by Schuldig. That might be it. No doubt, in the spirit of experimentation, I will have to try it next time. This time, though? Yeah, it's Ken. Poor kid.

Anyway, all the usual off-color humor follows pretty much the expected pattern and this post may not be entirely work-safe as a result. Then again, very little about this journal is that work-safe meaning that if I ever do get a job in an office I can forget checking LJ during my lunch hour because my own posts would be very much off-limits. That said, I wouldn't want to check LJ at work if I got a job anyway because I can really do without my screenname become common knowledge, and I really doubt that a few more absurd innuendos based on some of the badfic I've been exposing myself to lately will do anyone any conspicuous harm.

Speaking of which, it may help to know that a lot of these captions were influenced by this fanfic. If you can't bring yourself to read it (and I wouldn't recommend trying to, it sucks), the spork is here. If you don't even want to do that, well, all you need to know is that once again Schuldig comes up with a bizarre plan in order to help him get his nonconsensual freak on with Omi.

Of course, for my own amusement, I've made it Ken. I've just got more pictures of Ken. That being the case - onward.




"Dammit, I wish Aya was here... being shot instead of me. I'm gonna kill this fucking fanficcer when I catch up with them!" "Ken-kun, I think this is canon." "Oh, then we're just boned."




Ken Hidaka realizes that his drink has been spiked. Omi Tsukiyono realizes he has been rumbled.





"... and I just found out that this tragic backstory of ours qualifies me to be the angsty, revenge-driven, broody male lead in my own anime series! Isn't that terrific?"




"But Kase, do you really think that signing a billion-year Sea Org contract and swearing to abide by the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard will help me get my life back on track?"




... and, as he went to answer the door dressed only in an unbuttoned leather trenchcoat and an SS officer's cap, Schuldig wondered how many more times he could sodomize Ken Hidaka before the idiot boy stopped falling for the old 'delivering flowers to an abandoned building' routine.




The horror, the horror... While innocently searching for online pornography featuring busty blonde Icelandic twins, Youji and Omi discover adultfanfiction.net.




Of all the techniques Kritiker had come up with to try and solve Ken Hidaka's little God issue, the Ludovico Technique was perhaps the most controversial - and by far the least successful.




"All right, who keeps ringing our doorbell and running away?!"




Okay, so the last fifteen times Ken had to make a delivery to a suspiciously abandoned building he somehow ended up tied to various architectural features and having unlikely D/s sex with Schuldig, but he had hope that this time things would be different.




They weren't.




"How does this keep happening? And how do we keep surviving? Anyone would think we were anime characters, for fuck sake!"




"For you, Herr Tsukiyono, zer series iss over!"




In the hands of professional bastards, Sakura finally finds out about the existence of Aya slash. Schuldig, meanwhile, merely seethes in jealous rage at not having been invited to join in.




"... what do you think? Birman, or Schuldig trying to lull me into a false sense of security?"


Poor Ken. Someone hug him? I doubt he'd let me do it.

... okay, I don't know why the Hell I wanted to do this, but it just seemed important. An actual update of substance will follow at... well, it'll be here at some point and probably also concern Weiss Kreuz because that's what I post to LJ for. Alert readers may have noticed (though probably not cared) that there's one more screencap up here than in my usual 'lame humor and Weiss caps' posts. This is because I felt the need.