19 April 2011 @ 11:05 pm
Get A Life  
I have been asked to get a life. Okay, that's nice, but how precisely do you go about doing this? I admit I've never been quite sure of the procedure, and my informant was rather unclear.

I mean, I've got a life. Hello. Hands up who else isn't dead. Here I am, sitting here and typing: presuming I'm not a very clever and curiously-programmed spambot, the very existance of this post points to that. I've got a life. If I didn't I wouldn't be here typing this but somewhere else entirely, and any suggestion (presumably made to my headstone or through the mediumship of a third party who'd mentioned they were getting a woman with glasses) that I get one would be both pointless and callous.

It can't refer to that. Obviously not - it's quite disingenuous of me to suggest so. So what do they mean when they say 'get a life'? Presumably not that you - the lifeless one - have been somehow rendered comatose or dead by your inability to, say, spend Saturday nights doing whatever it is it's considered socially acceptable to do on a Saturday night. It must be something more complex than that.

I presume it means working in marketing, and assuming that my intimate understanding of the Carruthers Report means I'm somehow indispensible. I presume it means discussing The X-Factor in a bored, above-it-all drawl, and yet somehow still posessing an encyclopedic knowledge of who's in and who's out, and who said what to who. I presume it means weighing myself religiously and getting nigh-suicidal when the needle edges perilously close to double figures. I presume it means girls' nights out and girls' nights in, dancing to music I didn't like when it first came out and still don't like now, and watching bad rom-coms while eating finger food from M&S. I presume it means reading Cosmopolitan, and not just because I want to laugh at it, and expecting my fiancé to take me to see movies like Made of Honor and 27 Dresses the getting upset when he seems bored. I presume it means learning how the blow-dryer works and cutting a photo of Kate Middleton out of a magazine and asking my hairdresser if she can make my hair do that, and taking fashion seriously.

I presume it means going shopping in Oxford Street, and wishing I had the money to buy a Gucci purse. I presume it means hunting for knockoffs or eBay bargains - or running perilously close to my credit limit buying the real thing anyway. I presume it means spending Sunday afternoons in Clapham being patronized by men called Nathan and Jeremy, who are happy to be seen with me but not to listen to what I have to say. I presume it means bars and clubs and stumbling in late with my ears ringing and indefinable gunk over the bottom of the shoes that left my feet bleeding.

I presume it means reading books and forgetting them and that my strongest opinion, after watching a film, would be about the leading man's smile.

Get a life, in short, is why aren't you more like your sister? in a more fashionable outfit.

And isn't life too short to waste it on worrying why you aren't?
 
 
Current Mood: i get ranty in the shower.
Current Music: al stewart - terminal eyes
 
 
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[identity profile] vr2lbast.livejournal.com on April 23rd, 2011 11:54 pm (UTC)
I was wondering about the logic of this phrase just this morning, not because I've been told to do so, but in reference to someone saying they don't spend so much time online because they have a life now.

Why? Were they were zombies before? Hell, even that's a half-life, which is more than no life. I admit that one can change one's life and if that includes the good fortune to make friends that live close by and going out more, fine and dandy, but that doesn't mean that they have a life and people who do their networking online don't. Hell, even if you're talking about a total recluse who interacts with no one, that person's got a life. It might not be what's considered the healthiest life, but it's no less a life.

A propos of nothing, I have avoided many movie and books, although mostly movie, because the only opinion I could get on them involved how character X and character Y totally wanted to bone and should be boning, and if they don't want to bone, the person with the opinion would totally bone them instead.

Yes, but what was the movie about?

Well, this guy...and then this other guy/girl...and they were hot and should totally get it on.

Ah, well...I'll save my money then.
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[identity profile] orthent.livejournal.com on April 25th, 2011 07:38 am (UTC)
Doesn't "Get a life" often mean "Stop saying not-nice things about my fanfic"?
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[identity profile] sevendials.livejournal.com on April 25th, 2011 11:38 am (UTC)
In this case, that would also be an entirely accurate assumption. Though the lack of a time machine that can go back four years and see me undo the offending not-nice things I said, and the complete lack of any desire to do those years over (earlier years, maybe; these, no) could make that one more awkward than it needs be.

I don't know. Badficcers, man.
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